For most of us, the familiar refrain reminds us that the world is comprised of people from diverse backgrounds and that we should all try to live in harmony with each other. But what happens when you alone are told how diverse you are? Are you a good person one minute and a bad person the next? Congratulations! You’ve just been split! You see, it’s either all or nothing with someone with BPD. Either you’re the good person who can do no wrong, or you’re the bad person who can do nothing right. It’s not based on your behavior. It’s based on the BPD’s feelings about your behavior. Mature adults can understand that no one is perfect. Good people sometimes have bad or annoying habits. And even the most wretched of our society may have a good trait or two. Our personality and character is made up of our collective good and bad traits. We all want our good traits to overwhelm our bad ones but we acknowledge we have areas to work on. But with a BPD person, those traits can’t coexist. It’s simplistic in the eyes of the BPD person. You did something that makes me feel safe and that you won’t abandon me: hooray!, you’re a good guy! I didn’t like that expression on your face: Uh-oh! I knew you were a terrible person and it was just a matter of time before you left me!
Splitting is part of the deal. We’ve been on both sides of it. Sometimes there’s a long period of time in between. But I’ve also been split multiple times within a single day. As long as we respond to the splitting, and not the underlying reason behind it, we will get caught up in the drama and try to argue and defend ourselves. Good luck with that. To do that requires that you change someone else’s feelings. I don’t know about you but I don’t have that kind of ability.