Do you have the same conversations over and over and over again? Do you settle a topic only to have it brought up later? Sometimes much, much later? Life with a BPD person means that nothing is ever settled. Moving on past a subject is only permitted if they choose to let it be settled. Otherwise, topics that were discussed ad nauseum and finally put to rest (or at least you thought they were) are subject to be reopened at any time and for any purpose. And of course we often take the bait and continue to let settled issues be reopened.
I was astounded at two traits when I was in a BPD relationship that seemed very contradictory. One was the ability to rewrite history totally different than it actually happened. The other was to never forget even the smallest detail of something I’d done wrong. Reconciling these two apparent contradictions was the bane of my existence. But eventually I came to realize that these two paradoxes could co-exist quite nicely in a BPD world. Quite frankly, history could be re-written the way it was supposed to be based upon changing and shifting feelings and emotions and every comment I had ever made was subject to be used against me at any time and for any reason. It’s completely logical if you really think about it.